TX Roller Derby. What’s My Name?

I am in love… with roller derby. Really, why am I just now discovering this? What I have been doing with all my free time?

Have you ever wondered what it must feel like to coast around a sloped rink (tiring I would imagine) while dodging and trying to pass other skaters who are trying to block you? I sure as hell do. A friend and I went to the Holy Rollers and Rhinestone Cowboys bout, first one of the season, a couple weeks ago. And it was amazing!

Here is what I loved about roller derby:

The Holy Rollers and Rhinestone Cowgirls

The Holy Rollers and Rhinestone Cowgirls

  • Competition between teams.
  • Physical activity that is fun.
  • The glitter boots one of the Rhinestone Cowboys wore.
  • Skating!
  • Potential to get your ass kicked or to kick some ass.
  • The pre-teen kids in the cover band that rocked the house pre-bout.

What I don’t love about roller derby:

  • Um…
  • Well…
  • Oh! High likelihood of mass bruising.

Things I don’t understand about roller derby:

  • Who the hell is drinking wine while watching roller derby?
  • Why is the pre-teen cover band so much better than “America’s U2 cover band” Mysterious Ways?
  • Why anyone listens to or watches Glenn Beck. Oh, wait… that’s got nothing to do with roller derby.

Interestingly, multiple friends, upon hearing that I’d been to the roller derby bout suggested that I try out. Most of these people also know my mouth would very likely be writing checks I’ve no interest in having my body cash; I might be a little bit of a wussy. I’m pretty sure they just want me to get my ass handed to me and feel roller derby would be an interesting way to facilitate this.

roller derby

Sometimes it’s about the speed.

However, I admit, when I watch the Jammer dodges and weaves to avoid or plow through the Blockers, I want to be her. I am not sure how anyone can watch and not think it would be so much fun that the bruises may be worth it.

So, I guess now I need to figure out what my Rollergirl name would be… .


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